I am reminded from time to time how life changes. How not to be afraid. How standing close to the edge and being there is actually living better than one who lives in fear.
For fear is not the way we should live, coddled and protected, in some forever womb of false protection made only for feelings rather than certainty. We seek certainty and we are offered falsities, illusions, fakery, lies, and mistruths crafted to make us feel better and nothing more. Real choices, real safety, and real life itself is pulled away from us because we asked for it to be removed - we said, please enslave me if all our new master would say is 'you are safe now' and it is, as you know it but accept anyways, a lie.
And I cannot live a lie. I cannot live in fear. I choose not to. I can't be anyone else other than myself.
If living my life true to myself results in a house of lies coming crumbling down, then I accept that. If it means losing everything I have I accept that. If is means losing the safety and security of a steady job I accept that.
Time and time again I read stories of people who 'made it' and they all have that one thing in common.
They embraced throwing their old lives away.
That freefall moment.
When they realized that being true to their dream was more important than the status quo. When they realized that the limited time we have on this world was too precious to spend sitting around in the doldrums of their going nowhere lives, that safety in mediocrity was not their life, and they had to step out of that airplane and into the infinite blue yonder to finally live their true life.
And often they realized that they spent forever waiting in that plane, far too long, and they should have stepped out years ago.
The chase. The thrill. The exhilaration of living that moment. That the best years of their lives were the ones where they were hungry and chasing the dream. That living for the moment and being out there falling to their certain doom as they sewed their parachute together out of scraps and pieces of their life was the time they felt the most alive.
We tend to sit here and build castles made of sand out of our lives. That somehow, our safe spaces shall be forever. Forever protected. Forever ours. Forever the same. We want our world protected from those who may hurt our feelings. We want a certainty of a box that no hurt shall enter and it shall be filled with soft and fluffy padding to comfort us should our tender egos be bruised by the hash realities of life.
Well, that doesn't sound like a safe space to me.
It sounds like a coffin.
And coffins are where you go to die.
I would rather sleep on the hard ground out in the desert night looking at a billion stars above, taking a little discomfort to go do something that in my life I may never get to do. Sure the walk there was hard. Sure it was hot and I am a sweaty, stinking mess. Sure I am not in some hotel where all my needs are catered to. Sure I am not lying on a resort bed somewhere surfing the Internet or watching television.
But I am out here living a dream.
And the price I pay in discomfort I accept.
Because I know I won't have that many chances to do this, that I must play my cards right, and not worry about the consequences of chasing my dream. Let's say I lose a job because my employer doesn't like what I write. It can happen, and I know those it has happened to. In one world, woe is me and I am the victim and I live in fear every day of my life.
In the other world, fuck it, if they can't accept who I am then I am better off without them.
Because that moment, getting fired because someone can't accept who I am, is likely a part of the alternate reality where I do "make it" doing what I love and that was the moment where I realized I should just be myself and live my dreams instead of making myself their slave all my life.
And what would that story be if I ran back into the cave in fear? If I didn't accept my destiny? If I shrunk back and asked for the shackles to be placed around my wrists again?
There are people in this world who are very good at enslaving people. Sometimes they sell you phones, service contracts, security systems, new cars, faster Internets, social programs, and all sorts of other things which they say will make your life 100% better but all you get are more and more bills to pay at the end of the month. They will never right-out tell you of their intention, to lock the shackles down tighter and force you to work harder each month to get by and take a cut of the hard work you do, but that is their goal. They will lie with a smile on their faces to be your best friend and complete master.
Beware those who offer you something for free.
Beware those who try to sell you a life better than the one you could make yourself.
And never, ever let someone sell you fear.
You could go to the store and buy processed food full of salt, preservatives, chemicals, and all sort of other harmful toxins made to keep the food profitable and shelf-stable for as long as possible - you know this stuff, dinners from cardboard boxes. You could also go to the store and buy fresh ingredients without all those profit-stabilized chemicals and make your dinners fresh and free your body from chemical dependence. They may not taste as good, at first, but eventually you will learn all the tricks the cardboard-box diner providers want us to forget and probably life a cheaper, healthier life the more you do it yourself.
When I make a loaf of bread it sometimes is messy, it takes a lot of work and attention, and it isn't as easy as pulling a bag of plastic off a shelf and throwing it in a grocery cart. But I can make my own bread for cheaper than having to buy it every week in the store with a few ingredients, and I know what's in it. That loaf is mine, I made it, and it is better for me.
It is a loaf I made with my own hands.
Did it give me discomfort?
A little yes, I got my hands messy, I had to clean up, and make sure it didn't burn in the oven, yes.
But making my own bread is a life I want to live.
I enjoy the discomfort because I am doing my own thing. In fact, I learn to love the discomfort because the difficult journey of making that loaf is a part of enjoying it.
Like that walk out in the desert under the stars at night.
Like that time I walked away from that job that was holding me back.
Like that fear I have of losing any job.
That freefall moment.
If you fear something, you should probably get rid of it to save yourself a lot of grief. Why live a lie?
Or hold on a little longer and tell yourself, if that day comes (and it always does, no job is forever), then I shall walk out that door proud of who I am. And I shall continue to work hard, love what I do, and hope for acceptance and understanding - both of which are not guaranteed. But I would rather work for someone who did accept and did understand than I would someone who did not.
If they can't, it is their loss since I am a hell of a hard worker, loyal, loving what I do, and 100% there and for the team each and every day. I cannot let that fear stop what I do in their world, nor mine.
Truth is who I am. Honesty to myself and my dreams. I offer myself that each and every day.
And I offer that to whom I share my time and love of working hard too as well.
But I realize, that is their choice.
And I accept who I am and my destiny. It may involve freefall yet again.
But I live for those moments, and I do not fear them. Because that is the moment when I am truly living life again, and I am certain of two things.
That my life shall change in some wonderful way.
And I shall survive.
If I know these two things, then what do I have to fear?
The answer is...nothing.
For fear is not the way we should live, coddled and protected, in some forever womb of false protection made only for feelings rather than certainty. We seek certainty and we are offered falsities, illusions, fakery, lies, and mistruths crafted to make us feel better and nothing more. Real choices, real safety, and real life itself is pulled away from us because we asked for it to be removed - we said, please enslave me if all our new master would say is 'you are safe now' and it is, as you know it but accept anyways, a lie.
And I cannot live a lie. I cannot live in fear. I choose not to. I can't be anyone else other than myself.
If living my life true to myself results in a house of lies coming crumbling down, then I accept that. If it means losing everything I have I accept that. If is means losing the safety and security of a steady job I accept that.
Time and time again I read stories of people who 'made it' and they all have that one thing in common.
They embraced throwing their old lives away.
That freefall moment.
When they realized that being true to their dream was more important than the status quo. When they realized that the limited time we have on this world was too precious to spend sitting around in the doldrums of their going nowhere lives, that safety in mediocrity was not their life, and they had to step out of that airplane and into the infinite blue yonder to finally live their true life.
And often they realized that they spent forever waiting in that plane, far too long, and they should have stepped out years ago.
The chase. The thrill. The exhilaration of living that moment. That the best years of their lives were the ones where they were hungry and chasing the dream. That living for the moment and being out there falling to their certain doom as they sewed their parachute together out of scraps and pieces of their life was the time they felt the most alive.
We tend to sit here and build castles made of sand out of our lives. That somehow, our safe spaces shall be forever. Forever protected. Forever ours. Forever the same. We want our world protected from those who may hurt our feelings. We want a certainty of a box that no hurt shall enter and it shall be filled with soft and fluffy padding to comfort us should our tender egos be bruised by the hash realities of life.
Well, that doesn't sound like a safe space to me.
It sounds like a coffin.
And coffins are where you go to die.
I would rather sleep on the hard ground out in the desert night looking at a billion stars above, taking a little discomfort to go do something that in my life I may never get to do. Sure the walk there was hard. Sure it was hot and I am a sweaty, stinking mess. Sure I am not in some hotel where all my needs are catered to. Sure I am not lying on a resort bed somewhere surfing the Internet or watching television.
But I am out here living a dream.
And the price I pay in discomfort I accept.
Because I know I won't have that many chances to do this, that I must play my cards right, and not worry about the consequences of chasing my dream. Let's say I lose a job because my employer doesn't like what I write. It can happen, and I know those it has happened to. In one world, woe is me and I am the victim and I live in fear every day of my life.
In the other world, fuck it, if they can't accept who I am then I am better off without them.
Because that moment, getting fired because someone can't accept who I am, is likely a part of the alternate reality where I do "make it" doing what I love and that was the moment where I realized I should just be myself and live my dreams instead of making myself their slave all my life.
And what would that story be if I ran back into the cave in fear? If I didn't accept my destiny? If I shrunk back and asked for the shackles to be placed around my wrists again?
There are people in this world who are very good at enslaving people. Sometimes they sell you phones, service contracts, security systems, new cars, faster Internets, social programs, and all sorts of other things which they say will make your life 100% better but all you get are more and more bills to pay at the end of the month. They will never right-out tell you of their intention, to lock the shackles down tighter and force you to work harder each month to get by and take a cut of the hard work you do, but that is their goal. They will lie with a smile on their faces to be your best friend and complete master.
Beware those who offer you something for free.
Beware those who try to sell you a life better than the one you could make yourself.
And never, ever let someone sell you fear.
You could go to the store and buy processed food full of salt, preservatives, chemicals, and all sort of other harmful toxins made to keep the food profitable and shelf-stable for as long as possible - you know this stuff, dinners from cardboard boxes. You could also go to the store and buy fresh ingredients without all those profit-stabilized chemicals and make your dinners fresh and free your body from chemical dependence. They may not taste as good, at first, but eventually you will learn all the tricks the cardboard-box diner providers want us to forget and probably life a cheaper, healthier life the more you do it yourself.
When I make a loaf of bread it sometimes is messy, it takes a lot of work and attention, and it isn't as easy as pulling a bag of plastic off a shelf and throwing it in a grocery cart. But I can make my own bread for cheaper than having to buy it every week in the store with a few ingredients, and I know what's in it. That loaf is mine, I made it, and it is better for me.
It is a loaf I made with my own hands.
Did it give me discomfort?
A little yes, I got my hands messy, I had to clean up, and make sure it didn't burn in the oven, yes.
But making my own bread is a life I want to live.
I enjoy the discomfort because I am doing my own thing. In fact, I learn to love the discomfort because the difficult journey of making that loaf is a part of enjoying it.
Like that walk out in the desert under the stars at night.
Like that time I walked away from that job that was holding me back.
Like that fear I have of losing any job.
That freefall moment.
If you fear something, you should probably get rid of it to save yourself a lot of grief. Why live a lie?
Or hold on a little longer and tell yourself, if that day comes (and it always does, no job is forever), then I shall walk out that door proud of who I am. And I shall continue to work hard, love what I do, and hope for acceptance and understanding - both of which are not guaranteed. But I would rather work for someone who did accept and did understand than I would someone who did not.
If they can't, it is their loss since I am a hell of a hard worker, loyal, loving what I do, and 100% there and for the team each and every day. I cannot let that fear stop what I do in their world, nor mine.
Truth is who I am. Honesty to myself and my dreams. I offer myself that each and every day.
And I offer that to whom I share my time and love of working hard too as well.
But I realize, that is their choice.
And I accept who I am and my destiny. It may involve freefall yet again.
But I live for those moments, and I do not fear them. Because that is the moment when I am truly living life again, and I am certain of two things.
That my life shall change in some wonderful way.
And I shall survive.
If I know these two things, then what do I have to fear?
The answer is...nothing.