To Love is to Let Go

Things are slightly coming more into focus now. The things which were holding me back are at the same time becoming apparent and melting away. Realizations not to hold onto things so tightly, to learn to let go, to realize what assumptions I had were holding me back, and which ones would move me faster forward.

Simple truths. Things, admittedly, I should have known but forgive myself for not realizing.

My mind was elsewhere at the time. Preoccupied. Distracted. Busy with the dealings of life and loss.

One thing which has freed me is embracing loss.

Strangely enough, I realized I was holding on to tightly to things. I have lost so much, and as a result I wrapped my fingers around certain things which I never wanted to let go. I feared losing them forever when they are already gone. And in the end, I realized my tight grip on those things which I remembered, the better times, were holding me back there in the past with them.

Not to say I want to forget them, or disrespect them. Never. They are who I am.

But learning to let go finally has freed me in a way which I never imagined. It has been if the rubber on the bungee cord has stretched to its farthest extent, and my motions held still in space forever. And once I let go, the weightless feeling of freedom snapped me back into life. The ground which threatened to hold me forever pulled away, and I felt the air rush by my body as I soared free through the sky.

And there are habits too, ones writing, I realized were holding me down there in the abyss of stagnation as well. Holding onto characters, series, the identity of myself, who I was, and who I thought I would be back then - the image of myself in that reflection in the cold water beneath me was not who I was anymore.

I am still me.

But my feelings about who that person in the mirror had to change.

And how I write stories and characters needs to change as well.

The beloved past needs to be remembered and let go completely, all in the same moment.